Alas, we both faulter in comparison to past masters of the forum. Indeed, look at this thread by the amazing Robin - nearly 200,000 hits.
Martin-Logan-Super-Systems...-Seeing-Hearing-is-Believing
Incidentally, my wife took one look at the photo and said "nice arse"
. Of course, being an arse has its problems. And of course you must be careful with your arse. I just read this post from another forum. I know the man as he owns a Wilson 7 system and those huge Rowland 301 amps you may remember. It is worth a read. Made me smile anyway
"Right, unusual events you’ve been involved with; something that is highly unlikely ever to happen again. Must be true.
I’ll start you off; this actually happened to me:
About 25 years ago, I was living alone in a South London flat. The other flat on my landing was occupied by an older man who was disabled, having suffered polio when he was a child. (I mention this because it is relevant to the story). Bill (not real name) had calipers for his legs and could only just about walk with the aid of two walking sticks.
I was rudely awoken by the telephone one night, it was about 3am. I immediately recognised Bill’s voice, saying: “Please can you come over and help me, it’s an emergency” He sounded calm so I asked what the problem was. He replied “I can’t tell you now, please come over, I’ll buzz you in”
I quickly dressed, went over and knocked on his door. He duly buzzed the door open. I went into the lounge but he was not there, “I’m in the bedroom” says Bill.
I went into the bedroom, and there was Bill lying on his bed, under the covers. He looked much the same as usual and didn’t seem to be in any pain. I asked again what the problem was. He was reluctant to say, but after me threatening to leave, he said:
“I’ve got a bicycle pump stuck up my bum”
Fighting my initial reaction to flee, I replied, “What would you like me to do.” “I can’t see it properly so please could you try to get it out” was his reply. He pushed back the covers and sure enough there was the pump protruding from his arsehole.
Trouble was, he’d pushed it up handle first and the handle was completely inside - his sphincter had closed around the (much smaller diameter) connecting rod. It was bleeding a lot as he’d already been trying to extricate it. I immediately realised that he would need specialist help and any attempt by me to remove it might injure him even more. I suggested an ambulance. He pleaded for me to drive him to A&E rather than call one.
He was only wearing a t shirt, so he pointed out some jogging bottoms in a drawer for me to fetch. Thing is, the main chamber part of the pump, still freely able to slide up and down the connecting rod, prevented me from pulling up the bottoms. Bill then said: “You’re a carpenter; you must have tools, how about cutting the big bit of the pump off”
So I duly went back to my flat. As the connecting rod was manufactured from thin sheet metal formed into a tube, I returned with a pair of heavy duty tin-snips and cut the tube about 30mm away from his anus.
Getting the jogging bottoms on followed by his calipers was no easy feat, especially as he obviously could not sit. But eventually, I managed to get him down to my car and off to A&E. He had to lie on his side across the back seat.
He needed surgery to remove the pump and repair the internal damage the edge of the hollow handle had inflicted when he'd been pulling. Thank goodness he made a full recovery.
A few weeks later, after he had returned home, we were talking, and I asked why he’d put the pump up there. He rather sheepishly replied that he’d done it before with no issues. So I said “Why handle first though?”
“The ridges” he responded. "
