HsvToolFool
Well-known member
As an 11th dan GrandMaster Of Cheese Fu™, I pride myself
on the number of So-Bad-They're-Good movies in my DVD
and Laserdisc collection.
I now challenge everyone who collects movies to quickly
click through the Rotten Tomatoes' "Worst of the Worst"
list. If you have the nerve, publicly admit to how many of
those titles are in your personal film library.
I'll go first. Here's my List o' Shame...
#9 - The Master of Disguise (Dana Carvey)
Like so many, I love Dana and bought this just to see him.
Whoopsie. This film is so stupidly infantile, I immediately
gave it to my 8 year old nephews. Once the boys began
repeating the most annoying catch-phrases ("Turtle!"),
my sister then sent the movie back to me via FedEx
overnight express. I think she spent three times the
money to get rid of the DVD than I spent on it. Now that's
impressively bad.
#19 - The Whole Ten Yards (Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry)
I loved the first movie so much, that residual affection
allows me to watch the sequel every once in a while. But I
must admit that it's not a guilty pleasure like Pluto Nash.
#37 - Corky Romano (Chris Kattan)
Uh...yuck? Kattan is a genius of physical humor. Don't believe
me? Rent MonkeyBone just to see Kattan's brilliant
re-animated corpse character towards the end of the movie.
But Corky is pure awful drek. Most people have never
heard of it, so I enjoy recommending it to people I dislike.
#48 - The Adventures of Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy)
By now, we're far enough down the list to re-enter the
world of campy fun badness. What can I say? I like this
stupid, silly movie. It's what I do. The fact I have a huge
crush on hottie co-star Rosario Dawson has nothing to
with my enjoyment of this movie.
#63- Ultraviolet (Milla Jovovich)
Rotten Tomatoes made its first seruous mistake with this
film. This film is much worse than a #63 rank. As much as
I enjoy watching gratuitous close-ups of Milla's clad-in-
skin-tight-leather tuckus, this movie should surely be in
the top 20 worst films of all time.
#66 - Date Movie (who cares?)
My reputation for collecting really cheesy movies now precedes
me, so this one was a Christmas gift from my sister. Although
in retrospect, her gift may have been revenge for giving
Master of Disguise to my nephews. As much as I love
watching star Alyson Hannigan (the infamous band-camp
flute gal from American Pie), this movie is really too
awful to watch.
#69 - The New Guy (DJ Qualls, Eliza Dushku)
Ah ha!I finally disagree with Rotten Tomatoes! This film
shouldn't even be in this list. I mean, it has Eliza Dushku
in it. Duh! You either must include all her movies or none
of them. Let's be consistent here people.
#80 - Man of the House (Tommy Lee Jones)
Again, I must respectfully disagree with RT. Any film with
Tommy Lee in a Stetson with nubile cheerleaders is worth
watching. Period.
#89 - Elektra (Jennifer Garner)
Placing this film in the Worst 100 list while ignoring DareDevil
makes me question the Rotten Tomatoes staff's sanity.
This movie lacks the worst part of DareDevil, which
is of course Ben Affleck, and has the best part, which is of
course Ms Garner's leather-clad tuckus. Besides, I enjoy
the Kung Fu epic-myth genre of this movie much more
than the blind-guy-leaps-off-buildings-and-survives fantasy
genre of DD.
#93 - Juwanna Mann (Miguel A. Nunez Jr)
I owe this film a debt of gratitude. It's so bad, my cheap
DVD player physically choked and died while playing this
movie. This was just the excuse I needed to buy a Sony
BDP-S300 Blue-Ray player. Besides, who doesn't like
movies about cross-dressing, ego-centric, professional
basketball players? This could have been an autobiography
of half the NBA.
#95 - Taxi (Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon)
I can't think of a single redeeming feature of this film, so
of course I like it. The movie begins with Latifah as a NY
bike messenger pedaling through Macy's. Eventually, the
bank robbers turn out to be 98-pound runway models who
are insanely accurate pistol marksmen and expert stunt
drivers. But somehow, this film makes it all believable.
The rest is somewhat off topic, but this thread is silly enough
to allow me to list a few modern stinkers obviously missing
from the Rotten Tomatoes Worst 100 list...
#1 - Contact (Jodie Foster)
Excuse me? This is only the WORST film of the last 50 years!
How did they miss this one? Even I can't allow this one in
the house, and I love Jodie.
#2 - Artificial Intelligence: AI (Haley Joel Osment)
Another pointless, depressing crapfest which even I can't
bring myself to go near. If you're having trouble working
up the nerve to finally commit suicide, this film will push
you over the edge. After watching this mega-bomb, even
emotionally healthy people will join you.
#3 - Waterworld (Kevin Costner)
Hellooo?! What were you thinking, RT? How did this not
make your list? Naturally, this has already been released
in HD-DVD format. Figures.
#4 - Every. Star. Wars. Made. Since. 1999.
Yes I own them, but I'm not proud of that fact.
Midichlorians. Bleah.
#5 - Both Matrix sequels
Bad in the same vein as the eye-candy-FX-sans-plot
Star Wars prequels. Both Matrix 2 & 3 were extremely
disappointing plot-wise and deserved about an #80 worst
ranking.
#6 - Pearl Harbor
"I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that’s an awful lot.
And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say,
Is Pearl Harbor sucked
and I miss you."
on the number of So-Bad-They're-Good movies in my DVD
and Laserdisc collection.
I now challenge everyone who collects movies to quickly
click through the Rotten Tomatoes' "Worst of the Worst"
list. If you have the nerve, publicly admit to how many of
those titles are in your personal film library.
I'll go first. Here's my List o' Shame...
#9 - The Master of Disguise (Dana Carvey)
Like so many, I love Dana and bought this just to see him.
Whoopsie. This film is so stupidly infantile, I immediately
gave it to my 8 year old nephews. Once the boys began
repeating the most annoying catch-phrases ("Turtle!"),
my sister then sent the movie back to me via FedEx
overnight express. I think she spent three times the
money to get rid of the DVD than I spent on it. Now that's
impressively bad.
#19 - The Whole Ten Yards (Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry)
I loved the first movie so much, that residual affection
allows me to watch the sequel every once in a while. But I
must admit that it's not a guilty pleasure like Pluto Nash.
#37 - Corky Romano (Chris Kattan)
Uh...yuck? Kattan is a genius of physical humor. Don't believe
me? Rent MonkeyBone just to see Kattan's brilliant
re-animated corpse character towards the end of the movie.
But Corky is pure awful drek. Most people have never
heard of it, so I enjoy recommending it to people I dislike.
#48 - The Adventures of Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy)
By now, we're far enough down the list to re-enter the
world of campy fun badness. What can I say? I like this
stupid, silly movie. It's what I do. The fact I have a huge
crush on hottie co-star Rosario Dawson has nothing to
with my enjoyment of this movie.
#63- Ultraviolet (Milla Jovovich)
Rotten Tomatoes made its first seruous mistake with this
film. This film is much worse than a #63 rank. As much as
I enjoy watching gratuitous close-ups of Milla's clad-in-
skin-tight-leather tuckus, this movie should surely be in
the top 20 worst films of all time.
#66 - Date Movie (who cares?)
My reputation for collecting really cheesy movies now precedes
me, so this one was a Christmas gift from my sister. Although
in retrospect, her gift may have been revenge for giving
Master of Disguise to my nephews. As much as I love
watching star Alyson Hannigan (the infamous band-camp
flute gal from American Pie), this movie is really too
awful to watch.
#69 - The New Guy (DJ Qualls, Eliza Dushku)
Ah ha!I finally disagree with Rotten Tomatoes! This film
shouldn't even be in this list. I mean, it has Eliza Dushku
in it. Duh! You either must include all her movies or none
of them. Let's be consistent here people.
#80 - Man of the House (Tommy Lee Jones)
Again, I must respectfully disagree with RT. Any film with
Tommy Lee in a Stetson with nubile cheerleaders is worth
watching. Period.
#89 - Elektra (Jennifer Garner)
Placing this film in the Worst 100 list while ignoring DareDevil
makes me question the Rotten Tomatoes staff's sanity.
This movie lacks the worst part of DareDevil, which
is of course Ben Affleck, and has the best part, which is of
course Ms Garner's leather-clad tuckus. Besides, I enjoy
the Kung Fu epic-myth genre of this movie much more
than the blind-guy-leaps-off-buildings-and-survives fantasy
genre of DD.
#93 - Juwanna Mann (Miguel A. Nunez Jr)
I owe this film a debt of gratitude. It's so bad, my cheap
DVD player physically choked and died while playing this
movie. This was just the excuse I needed to buy a Sony
BDP-S300 Blue-Ray player. Besides, who doesn't like
movies about cross-dressing, ego-centric, professional
basketball players? This could have been an autobiography
of half the NBA.
#95 - Taxi (Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon)
I can't think of a single redeeming feature of this film, so
of course I like it. The movie begins with Latifah as a NY
bike messenger pedaling through Macy's. Eventually, the
bank robbers turn out to be 98-pound runway models who
are insanely accurate pistol marksmen and expert stunt
drivers. But somehow, this film makes it all believable.
The rest is somewhat off topic, but this thread is silly enough
to allow me to list a few modern stinkers obviously missing
from the Rotten Tomatoes Worst 100 list...
#1 - Contact (Jodie Foster)
Excuse me? This is only the WORST film of the last 50 years!
How did they miss this one? Even I can't allow this one in
the house, and I love Jodie.
#2 - Artificial Intelligence: AI (Haley Joel Osment)
Another pointless, depressing crapfest which even I can't
bring myself to go near. If you're having trouble working
up the nerve to finally commit suicide, this film will push
you over the edge. After watching this mega-bomb, even
emotionally healthy people will join you.
#3 - Waterworld (Kevin Costner)
Hellooo?! What were you thinking, RT? How did this not
make your list? Naturally, this has already been released
in HD-DVD format. Figures.
#4 - Every. Star. Wars. Made. Since. 1999.
Yes I own them, but I'm not proud of that fact.
Midichlorians. Bleah.
#5 - Both Matrix sequels
Bad in the same vein as the eye-candy-FX-sans-plot
Star Wars prequels. Both Matrix 2 & 3 were extremely
disappointing plot-wise and deserved about an #80 worst
ranking.
#6 - Pearl Harbor
"I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that’s an awful lot.
And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say,
Is Pearl Harbor sucked
and I miss you."