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HsvToolFool

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As an 11th dan GrandMaster Of Cheese Fu™, I pride myself
on the number of So-Bad-They're-Good movies in my DVD
and Laserdisc collection.

I now challenge everyone who collects movies to quickly
click through the Rotten Tomatoes' "Worst of the Worst"
list. If you have the nerve, publicly admit to how many of
those titles are in your personal film library.

I'll go first. Here's my List o' Shame...

#9 - The Master of Disguise (Dana Carvey)
Like so many, I love Dana and bought this just to see him.
Whoopsie. This film is so stupidly infantile, I immediately
gave it to my 8 year old nephews. Once the boys began
repeating the most annoying catch-phrases ("Turtle!"),
my sister then sent the movie back to me via FedEx
overnight express. I think she spent three times the
money to get rid of the DVD than I spent on it. Now that's
impressively bad.

#19 - The Whole Ten Yards (Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry)
I loved the first movie so much, that residual affection
allows me to watch the sequel every once in a while. But I
must admit that it's not a guilty pleasure like Pluto Nash.

#37 - Corky Romano (Chris Kattan)
Uh...yuck? Kattan is a genius of physical humor. Don't believe
me? Rent MonkeyBone just to see Kattan's brilliant
re-animated corpse character towards the end of the movie.
But Corky is pure awful drek. Most people have never
heard of it, so I enjoy recommending it to people I dislike.

#48 - The Adventures of Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy)
By now, we're far enough down the list to re-enter the
world of campy fun badness. What can I say? I like this
stupid, silly movie. It's what I do. The fact I have a huge
crush on hottie co-star Rosario Dawson has nothing to
with my enjoyment of this movie.

#63- Ultraviolet (Milla Jovovich)
Rotten Tomatoes made its first seruous mistake with this
film. This film is much worse than a #63 rank. As much as
I enjoy watching gratuitous close-ups of Milla's clad-in-
skin-tight-leather tuckus, this movie should surely be in
the top 20 worst films of all time.

#66 - Date Movie (who cares?)
My reputation for collecting really cheesy movies now precedes
me, so this one was a Christmas gift from my sister. Although
in retrospect, her gift may have been revenge for giving
Master of Disguise to my nephews. As much as I love
watching star Alyson Hannigan (the infamous band-camp
flute gal from American Pie), this movie is really too
awful to watch.

#69 - The New Guy (DJ Qualls, Eliza Dushku)
Ah ha!I finally disagree with Rotten Tomatoes! This film
shouldn't even be in this list. I mean, it has Eliza Dushku
in it. Duh! You either must include all her movies or none
of them. Let's be consistent here people.

#80 - Man of the House (Tommy Lee Jones)
Again, I must respectfully disagree with RT. Any film with
Tommy Lee in a Stetson with nubile cheerleaders is worth
watching. Period.

#89 - Elektra (Jennifer Garner)
Placing this film in the Worst 100 list while ignoring DareDevil
makes me question the Rotten Tomatoes staff's sanity.
This movie lacks the worst part of DareDevil, which
is of course Ben Affleck, and has the best part, which is of
course Ms Garner's leather-clad tuckus. Besides, I enjoy
the Kung Fu epic-myth genre of this movie much more
than the blind-guy-leaps-off-buildings-and-survives fantasy
genre of DD.

#93 - Juwanna Mann (Miguel A. Nunez Jr)
I owe this film a debt of gratitude. It's so bad, my cheap
DVD player physically choked and died while playing this
movie. This was just the excuse I needed to buy a Sony
BDP-S300 Blue-Ray player. Besides, who doesn't like
movies about cross-dressing, ego-centric, professional
basketball players? This could have been an autobiography
of half the NBA.

#95 - Taxi (Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon)
I can't think of a single redeeming feature of this film, so
of course I like it. The movie begins with Latifah as a NY
bike messenger pedaling through Macy's. Eventually, the
bank robbers turn out to be 98-pound runway models who
are insanely accurate pistol marksmen and expert stunt
drivers. But somehow, this film makes it all believable.


The rest is somewhat off topic, but this thread is silly enough
to allow me to list a few modern stinkers obviously missing
from the Rotten Tomatoes Worst 100 list...

#1 - Contact (Jodie Foster)
Excuse me? This is only the WORST film of the last 50 years!
How did they miss this one? Even I can't allow this one in
the house, and I love Jodie.

#2 - Artificial Intelligence: AI (Haley Joel Osment)
Another pointless, depressing crapfest which even I can't
bring myself to go near. If you're having trouble working
up the nerve to finally commit suicide, this film will push
you over the edge. After watching this mega-bomb, even
emotionally healthy people will join you.

#3 - Waterworld (Kevin Costner)
Hellooo?! What were you thinking, RT? How did this not
make your list? Naturally, this has already been released
in HD-DVD format. Figures.

#4 - Every. Star. Wars. Made. Since. 1999.
Yes I own them, but I'm not proud of that fact.
Midichlorians. Bleah.

#5 - Both Matrix sequels
Bad in the same vein as the eye-candy-FX-sans-plot
Star Wars prequels. Both Matrix 2 & 3 were extremely
disappointing plot-wise and deserved about an #80 worst
ranking.

#6 - Pearl Harbor
"I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark,
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point,
And that’s an awful lot.
And now, now you've gone away,
And all I'm trying to say,
Is Pearl Harbor sucked
and I miss you."
 
Here's some in my collection that are cheesy buy I love em' anyway.:)


American Shaolin: King of the Kickboxers

The Pacifier

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

Bean: The Movie

Coneheads

Judge Dredd

Just Visiting

Kangaroo Jack

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

Mortal Combat

Opportunity Knocks

Remo Williams: THe Adventure Begins

Rustlers Rhapsody

Son of the Mask

White Chicks
 
Does it count if you don't actually own ANY of them, but have just seen them? Out of the 100 on the Rotten Tomatoes site, I've only seen Two:

Christmas with the Kranks
Master of Disguise

I've seen Christmas with the Kranks once, hated it. Sorry but trying to put Jamie Lee Curtis and Tim Allen in a movie and hoping that they have some chemistry is just stupid. Survey says **EHH!**

Now Master of Disguise, I have to admit was one of the STUPIDEST movies I've ever seen, but rarely have I ever laughed so hard at a movie! It was indeed so bad that it was good, a true stupid classic. Heck, I still find myself every once in a while saying "Turtle, turtle!!"

I did get to see The Pacifier recently, and truth be told I didn't think it was that bad. My wife and I actually enjoyed it. Sure it was a bit cheesy, but we figured it would be going into it, and it didn't disappoint. I really enjoyed watching Vin Deisel beat the stuffing out of Brad Garrett! Truly fun to watch!

I saw Coneheads so very long ago, one of my buddies in high school took me to see it and I barely remember anything about it except for the water breaking and something to do with some sort of wreath on the head... Stupid stupid movie.

I've see A.I. Will never see it again. As far as I know it must still be playing somewhere out there, they still haven't figured out how to end the stupid movie. It just keeps going, and going and going... Definitely one of the worst.

Seen Contact. You know what? I actually enjoyed that movie. It was fun. Jodie Foster has sure come a long way from her Freaky Friday days. Sure again it was a bit cheesy, but not really too bad. I like a bit of science fiction.

I never did get to see the Matrix sequels, though I enjoyed the first movie. (There IS no spoon!)

As for the newer Star Wars films, they really should have released them under a completely different title. They were not Star Wars to me. I do own them, though I rarely watch them. Now I just need to find the originals on DVD, I still have them on VHS! :D

Let me see if I can maybe add a few to the list of extras...


Freaky Friday (Jamie Lee Curtis & Lindsay Lohan)
Ugh, what can I say, I just can't stand anything with Jamie Lee Curtis in it. Though it's not hard to watch miss Lohan, I just wish she hadn't gone over the deep end, kind of ruins it for me. :(

Ice Princess (Disney)
Princess Diaries 1 & 2
The Cutting Edge (toe pick!)
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Footloose
Dirty Dancing
Grease

(hmm, that's just about every chick flick that my wife likes to watch :eek: )

High School Musical
Looney Tunes Back in Action (I just knew this day would come! -Joan Cusack)
That one is too bad too, since I am a huge fan of Looney tunes, I have almost all of the golden collections so far, with the exception of the very last one so far. My kids love them too. Sorry but Brendan Frasier being as hilarious as he is just doesn't go well with Jenna Elfman. Inane dialog, and oh yes, let's not forget Steve Martin. Oh my goodness... I think he ruined the entire thing. "and make sure you use the laugh, because I like the laugh!"

-capT
 
I am proud to say that, out of my 343 DVDs, I only have 3 that are on the list...I am also proud to say, that I may not have many, but I have number 1.

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever...1
BloodRayne...32
White Noise....88
 
WOW! Hell of a list.

I have to say I liked the following that you guys have panned.

AI
Contact
Star Wars (all of them though I have to say EI was tough to take)
Elektra (Garner looked HOT in that show)
Princess Diaries 1 (2 was not TERRIBLE)
Footloose (My wife likes it, never did anything for me
Grease (again, wife likes it...personally didn't do it for me, though ONJ looked good at the end)
The Cutting Edge (I actually REALLY like this show, and Moira Kelly never looked better)
Dirty Dancing (my wifes FAVORITE SHOW, and I like it pretty well too)

Masters of Disguise SUCKED as did most of the others listed and I could add some of my own to the SUCK list as well...I'll save that for another day.
 
#1 - Contact (Jodie Foster)
Excuse me? This is only the WORST film of the last 50 years!
How did they miss this one? Even I can't allow this one in
the house, and I love Jodie.[/i]

I've only seen two movies you listed, this being one of them. I can't even remember how it ends, my mind has blocked it. I remember the awesome opening scene, and Jodie's character as a child... I even looked this one up on IMDB and I can't remember the ending. All I remember is the hate that swelled up in me at the makers of this film.

Similar to this was The Arrival with Charlie Sheen. They take a pretty neat plot line [aliens are giving technology to us in order to use pollution to terraform the planet] and make maybe the worst possible movie with it. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115571/

Which reminds me of The Forgotten. The trend with these three being that these movies started off well, got me interested with an imaginative story and/or good action... then plummeted into this sewer of stupid that just makes me want to do violence on the people responsible. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356618/

Some more gems I haven't seen mentioned. Jaws 3D http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085750/ I was in middle school and I don't know how I wasn't thrown out of the theater during this. My friend and I spent the entire movie making fun of it and if there had been more than the one other guy with his kids in the place I'm sure the theater employees would have cared enough to tell us to leave.

Weight of Water. Worst Movie Ever. Period. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0210382/


Edit: I don't actually own any of these movies... or any movies for that matter. Just thought I'd clarify since I didn't really follow the theme of the thread. :)
 
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The worst movies I own...

Eraserhead: David Lynch's first film. Disturbing - especially the sound.. white noise thru the entire flick. I've watched it about 5 times and still don't know what to make of it.

Liquid Sky: OMG, I can't believe I bought this! an 80's low budget sci-fi adventure. Campy, but so so bad.
 
Ok I had 12 on the list, but I claim ignorance to 6 as they were given to me How could they leave off "Dude Wheres Your Car?"
 
Here's some in my collection that are cheesy buy I love em' anyway.:)

Not bad, Grasshoppah. I think at least three of those
were listed in the RT Worst 100.

Ah, Judge Dredd...how delightfully cheesy. Demolition
Man
is one of my favorite extra sharp cheeses. It's good
to follow Sandra Bullock's second film with her first one,
a little-known flick called Love Potion #9. Sharp cheese
and sweet is an excellent combo.

Demolition Man reminded me of something: was I the
only person to notice that not one Stallone flick made
that Worst 100 list? Tango and Cash is Oscar material
compared to Cobra. And that was preceded by that
awful mountain climber flick, Cliffhanger?! And before
that was Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot! I mean, Sly is a
Worst 100 List unto himself.

Does it count if you don't actually own ANY of them, but have just seen them?

Nope. There must be an element of public humiliation
involved with the confession. "Yes, I foolishly spent money
on this enormous waste of time. I then didn't have enough
sense to discard it." That sort of thing.

Confessing that you saw the film in a theater counts to a
lesser degree, because that's nearly as expensive nowadays
as buying the full-retail DVD. Renting counts much less.
But being too lazy to dig through the cushions for the
remote when there's nothing on cable does not count.
If I only had a dime for every time I've sat through
"Leprechaun III" on late night hotel room cable while
traveling...I'd have a bunch of dimes.

I agree that some movies in the RT list really shouldn't be
there. The filmmakers MEANT for them to be silly. "Coneheads",
"Kung Pow", and "Pluto Nash" were very well executed...
for what they are. They aren't supposed to be taken that
seriously.

But a silly farce becomes a horrible waste of time when it
is poorly executed. "Hudson Hawk" stank because they
changed directors about half-way through the movie and
the replacement didn't understand the movie's comedic
style. Or at least that's how the movie seemed to me.
"Date Movie" and the other "Scary Movie" sequel/spinoffs
totally lack any cleverness or originality. Those writers truly
don't understand parody. Gross and shocking is okay, but
they need to take lessons from the South Park guys.

I can't agree with you on a few of your "additions" though.

Is it the Star Wars and Matrix sequels? ;)

These movies were all bad for the same basic reasons.
First, they accidentally sent us mixed messages. Second,
they had tons more money after their initial success.

Lucas just wanted to recreate the 1950s space fantasy serial
dramas he loved as a kid. The Wachowski Bros just wanted
to make a cool kung-fu sci-fi matinee.

But the first films in each series accidentally had profound
underlying messages. Good vs evil. The nature of freedom.
This led the audience into thinking the sequels would be
something more than just fluff and FX.

The other flaw is an epidemic in Hollywood: unlimited
budgets. The 1977 Star Wars was the best in the
series because Lucas was forced to behave and just let the
actors act and tell a good story. I have no doubt that first
movie would have stunk like JarJar's accent if Lucas had
access to today's computer back then. Most blockbuster
films are crud today because of the coolness of CGI effects.
Hollywood will go through these growing pains until the
FX-extravaganza becomes passe and filmmakers finally
remember than the story is the important part. Pixar has
this formula down pat, which is why their movies are
usually awesome.
 
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