User211
Well-known member
Originally posted by Brandt on the Apogee forum, this is (to my mind) such a classic post it deserves wider exposure. It really made me smile...
Enjoy...
"My system is better than your system. My system goes lower in the bass and higher in the treble. My system is smoother than your system because it uses no negative feedback anywhere, in anything.
My system is better than your system because I drive my speakers actively, avoiding signal degradation through wonky, dusty passive crossovers that feature mislabeled and mismatched inductors.
My system is better than yours because mine uses quadruple filtration of digital data ensuring removal of 99.9999% of all jitter artifacts and other signal noise ('4-nines digital signal', it's coming to the stores in another two and a half years).
My system is better than your system because my cables float five inches off the floor, suspended by superconducting magnetic levitators because as we all know air is the best dielectric after vacuum, and vacuum is just too much of a pain in the a** even for me (let alone for you).
My system is better because my cables are constructed from single-horsehair substrates coated in a three-atom thick layer of gold in a sputtering chamber. After sputtering, the finish is shot-peened at an 18-degree incidence angle using nanoparticles of pure niobium by the same people that shot-peen F-22 Raptor titanium-ruthenium toilet levers. The sputtered hairs are woven by unblemished Pakistani children in a three dimensional open-cored helix pattern that is unintelligible to the naked eye. The horses, by the way, are kept in barbed-wire-free enclosures and are fed premium imported sushi and their tails are not cut until they reach the ground.
Don't even get me started on my speaker terminals and interconnect jacks, because if I did so you would cry. Just three words for you: cryo-treated fire opal. Ok, that was four words. Too good to fit into just three.
My system sounds so much better than your system not only because of what's in it, but because I have master tapes of the Music of the Spheres that I play through DeParavicini-modified Studer decks.
Also I am morally superior to you, so I feel no guilt or nagging shame when listening to the Music of the Spheres. Which you would, if you were allowed to hear it. But you won't. Not least because all of the important harmonies lie between 20-30kHz where my hearing is superacute and where your hearing stopped working before you were born.
Back to the point -- my system is better than your system and I can PROVE it with an ultracalibrated measuring device made from platinum and the eardrum of a pure white pig, as well as with any number of unbiased and inexperienced female friends and wives (I have many of both, unlike you) who think audiophiles are oddly charming but who LOVE my system more than they love yours (actually, they think yours is pathetic and aren't sure why you don't just give up and listen to AM radio). Also, my ears are better looking than yours.
Please don't post here until your system at the very least glows in the dark."
Enjoy...
"My system is better than your system. My system goes lower in the bass and higher in the treble. My system is smoother than your system because it uses no negative feedback anywhere, in anything.
My system is better than your system because I drive my speakers actively, avoiding signal degradation through wonky, dusty passive crossovers that feature mislabeled and mismatched inductors.
My system is better than yours because mine uses quadruple filtration of digital data ensuring removal of 99.9999% of all jitter artifacts and other signal noise ('4-nines digital signal', it's coming to the stores in another two and a half years).
My system is better than your system because my cables float five inches off the floor, suspended by superconducting magnetic levitators because as we all know air is the best dielectric after vacuum, and vacuum is just too much of a pain in the a** even for me (let alone for you).
My system is better because my cables are constructed from single-horsehair substrates coated in a three-atom thick layer of gold in a sputtering chamber. After sputtering, the finish is shot-peened at an 18-degree incidence angle using nanoparticles of pure niobium by the same people that shot-peen F-22 Raptor titanium-ruthenium toilet levers. The sputtered hairs are woven by unblemished Pakistani children in a three dimensional open-cored helix pattern that is unintelligible to the naked eye. The horses, by the way, are kept in barbed-wire-free enclosures and are fed premium imported sushi and their tails are not cut until they reach the ground.
Don't even get me started on my speaker terminals and interconnect jacks, because if I did so you would cry. Just three words for you: cryo-treated fire opal. Ok, that was four words. Too good to fit into just three.
My system sounds so much better than your system not only because of what's in it, but because I have master tapes of the Music of the Spheres that I play through DeParavicini-modified Studer decks.
Also I am morally superior to you, so I feel no guilt or nagging shame when listening to the Music of the Spheres. Which you would, if you were allowed to hear it. But you won't. Not least because all of the important harmonies lie between 20-30kHz where my hearing is superacute and where your hearing stopped working before you were born.
Back to the point -- my system is better than your system and I can PROVE it with an ultracalibrated measuring device made from platinum and the eardrum of a pure white pig, as well as with any number of unbiased and inexperienced female friends and wives (I have many of both, unlike you) who think audiophiles are oddly charming but who LOVE my system more than they love yours (actually, they think yours is pathetic and aren't sure why you don't just give up and listen to AM radio). Also, my ears are better looking than yours.
Please don't post here until your system at the very least glows in the dark."
