Moonshot

Repeated the 5th grade three times, finally "getting it" at age 17 and went on to graduate the 9th grade when I was 23, at which point I put academics aside and began a somewhat satisfying career as a professional porcupine quill remover at an animal and human shelter where I discovered my love of impromptu barking and mumbling to myself about my personal savior (Ross Perot). Heroes include Idi Amin and Boris, my neighbor, who married a Russian bride, only to be poisoned by her with Polonium-210. He died hairless, helpless and homeless. My hobbies include the aforementioned "mumbling", throwing rotten nectarines at random bicyclists and hopping on one leg while screaming the national anthem.

The gorgeous neighbor next door.