Spouse approval

I didn't expect this - but I am actually facing some difficulty with the approval of this speaker purchase. I know we joke around but this is no joke.

I figured that since my wife who dated me when I had my Summit system knew that this was inevitable. I mean she must have figured that something was coming after I purchased the preamp and the amp.

Any of you guys still get trouble and flack for new equipment?

I'm working on getting approval... She thinks it is a waste of finances.

After many years of marriage, I have come to the conclusion that there's no easy solutuon to obtaining spousal approval for a hi fi purchase. And just because your wife dated you when you had Summits, doesn't mean you should expect to have them now. Now that you're married, the rule book has been rewritten.

Being realistic, you need to ascertain your wife's true position on buying the Summits. If she is TOTALLY against the purchase, then you've got no chance if you want some kind of marital bliss.

You could try bribary. Find out what she would like and offer to buy that for her.

How about finding out what speakers she WILL agree to. Maybe you'll have to accept something different - a pair of Odysseys? :think:

Joey_V said:

I didn't expect this - but I am actually facing some difficulty with the approval of this speaker purchase. I know we joke around but this is no joke.

I figured that since my wife who dated me when I had my Summit system knew that this was inevitable. I mean she must have figured that something was coming after I purchased the preamp and the amp.

Any of you guys still get trouble and flack for new equipment?

I'm working on getting approval... She thinks it is a waste of finances.

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Haha.... All the time Joey. I get the 'you eventually always get what you want ' line. I remember going into one of the local high end stores at the beginning and looking for a 5.1 receiver that cost 900 bucks. I got 'oh'!! You're crazy if you think you are buying that!!' - Right in the store. Haha. Logan's later and Maggie 20.7s wanting - she knows my issues - doesn't agree with them - but hey , they are still my issues.

What I have found is women like deals. The speakers might retail for 30 but if you can get them for 20 everything is great!! .

One more note. My opinion on this is ' don't compromise'. This is your gig. She needs to respect that as you need to respect what she wants as well. It is ok for you to get EXACTLY what you want. It is also ok for her to do her thing as well.
My wife loves trips. We go on a lot of them. Some are really expensive but I respect her wants as she does mine. Its not a 'if you get this then i get that' scenario. It is just mutual respect for each other's passions. It works. Just my ridiculous 2 cents.

Sounds like lack of disclosure.

You have a job, don't you? Approval is really not the correct word to be using, and it is wrong of your wife to think she holds any authority to "approve" your purchase.

I admit I am very lucky. But my wife understands I have a certain hobby (wonder what, haha) that demands a certain level of spending every so often. Just like she has her own hobbies. We understand each others' priorities and discuss purchases and priorities of finances before we make decisions. But as we both work, we in no way grant each other permission to engage in something that gives us pleasure. Moreso now with a child because we have a mutual priority that surpasses all others.

We also agreed that we both wanted to live debt and mortgage free, so we both make compromises to ensure we maintain that status.

I'm sure your wife has her hobbies and priorities. You have yours, and she should respect that. So explain to her that this is a hobby you hold dear - music is something you need in your life, and this is something that is of utmost importance to you.

You should never count or keep record in marriage - but explain to her that she also has hobbies that will consume similar finances (more or less) over the years.

I'm working on getting approval... She thinks it is a waste of finances.

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Never seek approval. That is not healthy for the relationship. Marriage is a partnership. Lead inclusive discussions of your finances together, and budget together. Partnerships are made altogether more difficult by the fact that there is nobody to cast the deciding vote!

Gordon Gray said:

Sounds like lack of disclosure.

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Lack of disclosure?? This was disclosed months ago...

I'm fortunate in that I don't get any objections about my hi-fi purchases; in fact, my wife was instrumental in my getting my Koetsu, my Martin Logans, and some other stuff. She knows how much music means to me. We always discuss any large purchase first.

Hobbies can always be considered a waste of finances, depending upon your perspective, but then what's the point of working if you can't enjoy your hobby?

If you're at an impasse, can you at least buy a pair of Summit X? Or is even that out of the question? Find out what budget would be acceptable to her. Don't forget that you still need a source.

Joey_V said:

Any of you guys still get trouble and flack for new equipment?

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I've barely heard any complaints about my A/V hobby from my wife. I've never discussed any major purchases with her nor has she really said anything when new gear shows up. I think she's used to it by now (we've been married for 10 years). I know she doesn't like the money being spent but she has her own hobbies that consume a bit of cash too. Pretty much as long as the bills are paid, the kids are fed and not left wanting we're ok. We have sort of an arrangement that I can more or less do what I want with the living room and she gets the rest of the house. I've been thinking of setting up my living room in more theater style rows with the couches and the worst I've heard is "that's dumb, but the living room is yours.".

I don't think I'm at an impasse... I think she got sticker shock. Despite knowing about it for years that this was going to happen once finances hit an "x" mark.

I think this will go through. Including the k1 level source.

Bernard said:

I'm fortunate in that I don't get any objections about my hi-fi purchases; in fact, my wife was instrumental in my getting my Koetsu, my Martin Logans, and some other stuff. She knows how much music means to me. We always discuss any large purchase first.

Hobbies can always be considered a waste of finances, depending upon your perspective, but then what's the point of working if you can't enjoy your hobby?

If you're at an impasse, can you at least buy a pair of Summit X? Or is even that out of the question? Find out what budget would be acceptable to her. Don't forget that you still need a source.

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Joey: I think you should listen to her now and pretend it affects you a bit, not do much music for a few days. After a few weeks she will feel guilty and cave in. However, if you insist now, she will never let you forget

Timm, if you are wanting Maggie 20s, suggest you check out the Analysis Audio Omega, with high mods, listed on Audiogon at 18k

Marriage is a partnership, even if one spouse is the primary breadwinner (which may or may not be the case for you). Both partners typically have individual hobbies and interests, so there should be some leeway in the budget to accommodate both. I've probably spent as much $$ on my wife's jewelry, shoes, and "spa days" as I've spent on audio gear. Overall, we stay within our budget, but mutually discuss "big ticket" expenditures before buying.

As relative newlyweds, also building a new home, I presume you have both sat down, analyzed your finances, and agreed upon a reasonable budget. Perhaps your wife is concerned about outstanding debt (if any), future kids, and retirement savings. Long term, you both need to be on the same page, so I suggest reviewing your "marital budget" with her again, and come up with some ground rules for discretionary spending for both of you. As the saying goes... Happy Wife = Happy Life!

'Sound' advice from Alan Joey, 'ole Pops here is closing in on 40 years of marriage so yes I know full well of a wife's concern with respect to our spending habits in this crazy hobby.

Joey_V said:

Lack of disclosure?? This was disclosed months ago...

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Good.

Good luck.

This is turning into a "Dear Abby" column.

Luv it.

Gordon Gray said:

Good.

Good luck.

This is turning into a "Dear Abby" column.

Luv it.

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Dear Gordon...

I mean... Dear Abby...

Lol

That's what I love about this forum... It's so versatile.

sleepysurf said:

Marriage is a partnership, even if one spouse is the primary breadwinner (which may or may not be the case for you). Both partners typically have individual hobbies and interests, so there should be some leeway in the budget to accommodate both. I've probably spent as much $$ on my wife's jewelry, shoes, and "spa days" as I've spent on audio gear. Overall, we stay within our budget, but mutually discuss "big ticket" expenditures before buying.

As relative newlyweds, also building a new home, I presume you have both sat down, analyzed your finances, and agreed upon a reasonable budget. Perhaps your wife is concerned about outstanding debt (if any), future kids, and retirement savings. Long term, you both need to be on the same page, so I suggest reviewing your "marital budget" with her again, and come up with some ground rules for discretionary spending for both of you. As the saying goes... Happy Wife = Happy Life!

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Yeah I hear you Alan. All details regarding finances are in line. We have looked at our financial foundation and worked out a budget... We actually budget every month down to the last detail.

I think what my wife is concerned with are 2 things:
1. Sticker shock now that it's getting real
2. The potential for future upgrades and that I might get carried away.

She asked me at point blank if this 20-40k that I was spending on the speaker... If this was the final speaker.

I said "no".

Hey... Atleast I was honest.

twich54 said:

'Sound' advice from Alan Joey, 'ole Pops here is closing in on 40 years of marriage so yes I know full well of a wife's concern with respect to our spending habits in this crazy hobby.

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I just hit 4 years pops... I got lots to learn man.

Hey buy those Neoliths this Saturday, will ya?

Joey_V said:

Lack of disclosure?? This was disclosed months ago...

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Try telling her that

bonzo said:

Joey: I think you should listen to her now and pretend it affects you a bit, not do much music for a few days. After a few weeks she will feel guilty and cave in. However, if you insist now, she will never let you forget

Timm, if you are wanting Maggie 20s, suggest you check out the Analysis Audio Omega, with high mods, listed on Audiogon at 18k

Click to expand...

I disagree with guilt trips.

"Honey, that's the price we have to pay, so you can hear where I am, when I'm not with you...."